I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
