can we get nightvision for the apartment?
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
