Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
