theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
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