my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
