That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
