she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
