Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
