I got chris browned last night
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
