i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Slut skills are useful in every country.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
