Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
