Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
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