i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
