I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
