it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
