I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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