Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Randomize
