There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
