They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
