My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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