So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
