Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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