i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
