two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
