omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
