i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
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