my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Randomize
