Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I wish I only lived at night.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
