he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
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