i think my tv is drunk
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I can't put those talents on a resume
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
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