Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Randomize
