No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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