how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
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