new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
He shit in the fireplace
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
And then he peed in my hair
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