ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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