just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Randomize
