You work out of a Hotel?
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
