I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
