Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
