Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Randomize
