just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Randomize
