i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
My dad just said "fuck circus"
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
