It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
