At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
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