My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Randomize
