If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Randomize
