I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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