my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Can I color on your dick again?
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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