In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
