Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I think my vagina is haunted
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Randomize
