We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
