Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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