Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
