I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
