I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
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