gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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