i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Randomize
