I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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