You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Randomize
