Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Randomize
