dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
I need to stop coming to work sober
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
