i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
